Your Evolution is Your Business, Not His

Two years ago, a man phoned me and asked about my colour analysis sessions. He said his girlfriend could do with some help in this area, that she is a local dressmaker, but is unsure of what suits her. He interrogated me quite a lot and seemed to be a bit confused when I said that the styling element he felt that she could benefit from was a separate service. By the end of that phone call, I could tell he was a little bit incredulous that I didn't discuss style in my session, given that it was £150. I agree that is a lot of money, but my colour analysis session is comprehensive; it has a report that tells you about your hair, your makeup, your jewellery. So I just stuck to my guns and I didn't hear from him again.

Recently, I received an email, pretty much the same person (girlfriend is a local dress maker, needs help etc etc) . Again, he wanted to buy a session for his girlfriend. We discussed this via email, and I explained that for the service he was describing, that it was a Colour Analysis + Body Shape session and the cost. He replied and said that while his love is infinite, basically his bank balance wasn't.

I said, well, then book in the colour analysis. She'll really love it if she makes her own clothes, and it will give her some clarity. We set a date, and I sent him the payment details.

And then—nothing.

A few weeks later I chased him up again because I work full time, and sometimes I have to take annual leave to fit clients in. Then he came back and said they’d had some scheduling issues and he’d gone with a different present that she can enjoy sooner.

The Expert's Blindspot

It just didn't ring true to me. He contacted me for a reason. He obviously knows his girlfriend is struggling with some area of getting dressed, despite being a dressmaker. Women that work professionally with colour might be able to see it for others, but they can't see it for themselves. I say this because I have draped several artists who use colour professionally, and they've been surprised at the colours that have suited them because mine is a different process, it's working with the person. There is potentially a woman here that does need some support, and she's not getting it.

The Difference is Perspective

The gendered difference in behaviour is clear. When I've had women contact me to book in for a voucher for a sister or a friend, there are no issues. Recently someone called me at 4.45pm, paid by 6.30pm and I sent her the voucher 7.30am the following morning.

Women understand more what it is like to be in a woman's body. They recognize that that friend /sister / daughter has needed something. Men can never understand what it feels like to be living in a patriarchal society that can be very hostile to women, where you're constantly feeling like you're not good enough—not thin enough, not light enough, not small enough, not fashionable enough. They will never understand the relief it is to have somebody guide you in this process. To tell you definitively what works and what doesn't.

In the first year of my business I had a lot of what I would call middle-class guilt about charging £150 for a Colour Analysis session. My price was criticised by acquaintances which made me doubt the worth of what I was giving to people. That price really pushed my boundaries. However, an insight from my therapist helped to shift this:

The knowledge you give your clients, they will have forever. That is invaluable.

He's right. How much money have I wasted over the years buying items that didn't suit me? But for my clients, every time they go clothes shopping, every time they go to buy some makeup, or want to dye their hair, they will have a guide For.The.Rest.Of.Their.Lives. which will save them thousands of pounds.

That is why I've stuck to my guns with my pricing.

Do It Your Own Damn Self. 

Do not let a man dictate when you have your style or colour evolution. 

Do not wait for him to pay for it.

Do not wait for him to do something about it.

Your evolution is your business, not his. 

Women are amazing; they multitask and can do anything they put their minds to. If he can’t buy it for you, don't wait—do it your own damn self.

I am in a community of women that have invested in themselves and look and feel great.

That is why I do what I do. to help others, so they don't have to live with the bone-crippling self-loathing that I lived in all of my 20s.

If you know one of your friends is struggling with low self-esteem, especially after a big life transition, get a group of you to chip in and get them a voucher.

Consider this your permission slip to do the thing. You know, the thing you have been avoiding in the mirror. I know, I have been there, not happy with how I looked but too scared to spend the money in case I got it wrong.

YOU ARE YOUR OWN BEST INVESTMENT.